If the person is not enthusiastic about something you’re asking to do/have done to you- just don’t do it. You need a YES to do an activity in our space. No means no. Silence means no. Anything but yes- means NO. How this practice ties into negotiating a rope scene is covered below. If you are not respecting this practice, you will be asked to leave and may not be welcome to attend future events. Always establish a “safeword” with everyone you tie with. A safe word is a word that lets the person you’re tying with know that you need present activity to stop. Never feel bad about using your safeword. Sometimes people can become nonverbal in rope, so establishing a nonverbal cue is recommended.

Negotiation is the process by which you and your tying partner determine what is acceptable and unacceptable for your “scene”, and how you and they would like the scene to begin, progress, end, and what kind of aftercare (covered below) may be required. During negotiation, talk about everything and anything you are ok with/not ok with. Come up with a plan together. Anything you would like to do must be agreed to during this time or, as per our consent practice above, you may not do it. Additionally, you should be setting your boundaries, both physical (i.e. “don’t touch me on the genitals”, “do not touch my pectoral mass during a chest wrap in any way that isn’t necessary for the tie”, etc), and mental (i.e. “don’t call me derogatory names, do whisper about how tying me makes you feel”, etc.). Also, we recommend discussing any injuries, medical conditions, and/or medications you are currently taking that may affect you or your partner during a scene. Further, it is also a best practice to examine the current mood and thoughts of you and your partner, as well as what kind of mood you’d like to set for the tie (i.e. labbing/practice, sensual, erotic, playful, etc). the Rope collective strongly recommends that until you have built a history of tying with an individual, and trust their responses and self-awareness within a scene, that you not conduct any mid-scene negotiations. Further, the Rope collective does request that mid scene negotiations are not conducted in our space out of respect for the high risk nature, regardless of the tying relationship you have with your partner.

Never feel pressured to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. Even if you agreed to something at one time, you may find yourself in a position where you have to withdraw your consent for that aspect of the scene. If anyone crosses this boundary- communicate with them you’re uncomfortable if you feel safe to, whether it be using a safe word or your own words. If you are at any of the Rope collective’s events- just say “safeword” and an organizer will come to you. If a boundary was violated and you didn’t feel safe in the moment to speak up, please contact anyone (organizer/instructor/facilitator) at the collective with whom you feel comfortable once you are in a place that is safe to speak. Even if you don’t feel comfortable giving this information first-hand and wish to do so anonymously, we still want to know what transpired.

Vetting is the practice of evaluating the suitability of potential tying partners. It’s a common practice in the rope community. If you ask for references and the person is hesitant to provide any, that is a sign that you should exercise additional caution. Though, it may be the other person is new overall, or new to the San Diego community and without local references, or returning to the community from a long absence and unsure which references are still active. Additionally, no vetting process should rely solely upon references provided by your partner. Ask around about them to the people in the community whose judgment you trust. Observe their interactions in scenes with other partners. Critically assess whether or not their tying style is going to be compatible with yours. When you are tying with someone for the first time, set your boundaries carefully/explicitly and see how simple and less intimate ties feel with them.

Aftercare encompasses what needs you each may have after a tie. Talk about aftercare during your negotiation. Make sure you’re on the same page and can provide the aftercare you both need, or don’t go through with the tie. People being tied AND the people tying both deserve to have their aftercare needs met. Some examples of aftercare may be a hug after the tie, snacks, drinks, coiling rope together, cuddling, or cleaning up. We recommend always having water handy during a tie. Many people check in with each other the next day or even days after. This is a great practice. After tying, many people could feel a drop (feeling physically/mentally “low” after the joy of tying). This could happen right after, hours later, or days later. Be aware that tops and bottoms alike may experience drop, and discuss any needs you may have to best navigate this. It may take experience to learn what works best for you.

Rope is physically challenging and has significant inherent risk. Risks may include nerve damage (temporary or permanent), skin abrasions, joint injuries, broken/sprained bones from falling, choking, fainting, panic, and even death. Take time to learn these risks: what are the most significant risks in various situations and how can they best be mitigated? What risks are you comfortable accepting? Discuss with your tying partner what risks you each understand & accept. Since nerve impingement is the most frequent injury in rope, both tops and bottoms alike should know the symptoms of nerve impingement, be able to distinguish nerve injury from circulation loss, understand common places where nerve impingement may arise, communicate when this occurs, and understand how to address it. Please review resources such as Rope Writing Library or discuss with any collective instructor if you would like to learn more about this. We will also frequently discuss this topic in our classes.

We are an inclusive space and we strive to maintain this value in our community. We hope to create a safer space (“safer” because no space is 100% safe for every human both mentally and physically all of the time). Our mission is to make the space as safe as we can within the things we CAN control- mitigating risks through communication and consciousness. Humans are complex and we all have our own perceptions, values, and past experiences. Be respectful of all your fellow humans. If you ever feel uncomfortable or disrespected in any way, we encourage voicing this even if it is about something an instructor or organizer has said. We are all human, and could potentially hurt someone without intending to and we can only grow and heal from communicating these things to each other.

Please always do your best to use correct pronouns (i.e. them/they- she/her- he/him). We will always ask to hear pronouns during introductions. If you use the incorrect pronoun, we recommend saying “thank you for reminding me” or “excuse me” and correcting yourself. You could potentially be making it worse by apologizing in an over-the-top manner which may make the individual feel uncomfortable/put on the spot/or that they are now responsible to make you feel better about the mistake. We have no tolerance for any sort of bigotry or prejudice. Period.

Be aware of the effect your voice and physical presence may have on others. Do not interrupt or intrude on people who are in the middle of a scene or tying. Do not touch other people’s belongings (including their rope) without their permission. If it is necessary to interrupt or move something, please find an organizer to do so.

Lastly- have fun!!! Enjoy your experience, make this journey your own, sink into the things you love about rope. You are always welcome to contact us with any questions, concerns, or feedback. We’re here for you <3 the Rope collective